[[&& it's [so] complicated]]

I hate this feeling.
I hate it so much.
The one person I've ever truly loved more than anything doesn't like me anymore.
You see, he used to love me.
But then I had to go and screw everything up.
So I really shouldn't be mad at anyone but myself for this screwed up life.
And I'm not.
I don't want to be in love.
I didn't ask for this.
So why did it happen?
I'd like to know myself.
No one understands what it's like to feel this way.
I'm not sure anyone ever will.
I finally found someone who I love everything about.
He was the sweetest person in the world.
Was is the key word.
Because, as I said, everything is so fricking complicated now I don't even know why I'm alive.
I found something to live for, and he was pulled out from under me.
Now all I have is a family and a few friends.
What would you do if you were caught in my situation?
Let me recap for you.
This guy who I'm completely in love with likes me back, but he doesn't want to get hurt again. My "best friend" likes him too and asked him out without my permission. They dated, but he broke up with her because he never really liked her in the first place. So now I still am mad at her. I know she doesn't like me.
Now, you try to live this life.
Tell me what you would do.
And don't give me any "get over him" crap, because it doesn't work.
I've tried.
Just remember, you love him.
-- Paige

School Daze

I have a story to tell y'all.
It happened in Social Studies class and I just found it strangely ironic.
I have this friend (who we will call Suzie) and she has an eraser shaped like a puzzle with a friend's name on every piece. My name fit perfectly with this kid (who we'll call Zac) who I like's piece. So she got bored and started tossing mine and Zac's piece (together) around her desk, throwing it against her binder and stuff, but it wouldn't come apart, but everyone else's did. Then she even tried throwing my other friend's piece at us and nothing. Finally, after much hard work, the pieces separated.
That was the story.
Now here's my interpretation...
See, me and Zac have been through a lot in out relationship and we got through it. We've been through break ups, stupid fights, make-ups, my best friend trying to ruin our relationship, but we've stayed together through it all. And that's kinda what this was like. Suzie was throwing us against things, trying her hardest to break us apart. She even started throwing other people's pieces at us. And through it all, we stayed strong. But then, suddenly, crack by crack, it all fell apart. And just like that, we were separated for good and it took longer to get us back together. So that's what I think is going to happen to me and Zac.
We've been through a lot together, give it time and it'll be that way again.

Yes.
I do realize I sound like someone telling you an old Latin proverb or something.
And I also realize I'm probably reading into some stupid erasers too much.
But I like my theory.
If you don't, too bad.
=D
- Paige.

A Song && Some Words.

I never could’ve seen this far
I never could’ve seen this coming
Seems like my world’s falling apart

Why is everything so hard
I don’t think I can deal with the things you said
It just won’t go away

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I used to think that I was strong
Until the day it all went wrong
I think I need a miracle to make it through

I wish that I could bring you back
I wish that I could turn back time
Cuz I can’t let go
I just can’t find my way
Without you I just can’t find my way

In a perfect world
This could never happen
In a perfect world
You’d still be here
And it makes no sense
I could just pick up the pieces
But to you
This means nothing
Nothing at all

I don’t know what I should do now
I don’t know where I should go
I’m still here waiting for you
I’m lost when you’re not around
I need to hold on to you
I just can’t let you go

I had the worst day ever.
Wanna know why?
1. One of my best friends is being a complete jerk to me after all I did was care about her. I just don't want her to get hurt. And her boy friend is/has always been an asshole. I'm not sure why she can't see that.
2. My other best friend /will not/ stop flirting with my crush. I totally had him first. She's just annoying the shit out of me.
3. I'm running out of friends to have.
4. I am more in love with this kid than I've ever been, but now he hates me. It figures.
5. Now I have cheer pictures where I have to smile. And all I've felt like doing all day is crying, so that just sucks. Plus, my only friend in cheerleading is the friend who is currently pissed at me for no reason.
6. I'm in the least focused group /ever/ in science. With an obnoxious kid, the one I'm in love with, my flirtatious "best friend" and me.
7. Everyone now thinks it's "that time of the month" for me thanks to Sabrina. Therefore, everyone's ignoring me and making fun of me. Stupid Kara started it. She /had/ to say I've been having mood swings which I really haven't.
Nope.
It really doesn't get much worse than that.
And the most horrible part?
I think it's all my stupid fault.
-- Paige

Love [and some other crap like my life.]

I hate my life.
I really do.
I also hate;;
Being in love.
Being a teenager.
One of my friends.
People who tell you they have a secret, then just continue not to tell you what it is.
People who hate you just because you're dating who they like.
People who take out their anger on you even when you did nothing.
Yeah.
That's about it, without getting into detail.
I'm so sick of people telling me things and doing the opposite.
That's called being a hypocrite, people, and it's bad.
I'm so sick of love songs,
So tired of tears...
Sorry.
Random song moment.
How come everyone decides to point out your flaws /after/ they're over you?
Couldn't they just tell the truth to start with?
Really.
You'd think no one was /that/ stupid.
My rant's over.
Here's to hoping you all will never fall in love,
Paige

Explaination

I'm not really sure why I made a blog.
I guess I just need a way to get my feelings out.
I doubt anyone will read this anyway, unless they were forced to.
By who, I'm not sure.... But anyway.
My name is Paige. If you didn't know that... you might want to leave.
Because I don't do well with strangers.
So.
You wanna know all about my life?
Let's see...
I'm okay with my life. It's been better, but I'm alive. My family is /amazing/ and so are my friends.
Well. A few of them. Sabrina gets on my last nerve, but no one can make me laugh as much as her. And Kara, yeah, well, all I have to say about her is that she's a party animal. xD. And there's Brianna who giggles too much and Molly who everyone loves. Plus we have Erin and Vicky, my dance buddies. Then there's Tony.
Yeah.
There's him.
Anyway. I also love Kat, Abbey, Olivia, Kyle, Risles, Haley, and Kim.
And we're just a group of friends trying to survive in middle school. Which is probably the hardest challenge of all.
Middle school. What to say about that? I ended up in advanced algebra and the teacher is a total bitch. There's a popular crowd and some emos, but not much else. Out school isn't /totally/ built on cliques, but there are some. Plus definite seating at lunch.
My hobbies?
I love to role play and write poetry and fan fictions, even though I kinda suck at it. Dancing is my life as well as cheer. I sing. A lot. Just not in front of people. Though you can always find my singing /something/ under my breath at school. Usually country. Or whatever is stuck in my head at the moment. I only listen to music that fits what I'm going/went through. Rap is ridiculous and should be banned.
I want to dye my hair.
I wish my eyes were blue.
I wanna be skinnier.
In case you haven't noticed, I'm a tad insecure. And I want someone to love me again.
I bet you're tired of me by now. So I think I'll go.
Peaceee,
Paige